Me Talk Pretty One Day - Résumé

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[...] She often throws chalk at them, and though she never punches anyone, Sedaris stays on his guard just in case. One day she turns to him and, in perfect English, says, “I hate you.” As he gapes at her, surprised that she has used English even though they're not allowed to speak anything but French, she adds, “I really, really hate you.” Trying to deal with this environment, he starts studying for hours every night, laboring over his homework and completing fill-in-the-blank sentences with phrases like: “A quick run around the lake? [...]

[...] He is extremely excited about this after the show, and by the time the family gets home, it's clear there'll be no stopping him from pursuing it—despite the fact that neither Sedaris nor his siblings want to play music. The only interest Sedaris has in music is his dream of singing commercial jingles in the style of Billie Holiday, beautifully singing about cigarettes or other products. However, he and his sisters go along with their father's idea because they have no other choice. Lou buys a baby grand piano and signs Gretchenup for piano lessons even though she's never voiced an interest in the piano. He then buys Lisa a flute and signs her up for flute lessons. [...]

[...] When Lou walks Melina, he's proud of her huge size and never tires of the predictable jokes other people make when they see her, laughing when they say things like, “Hey, you got a saddle for that thing?” During the time that his parents own Melina, Sedaris lives in Chicago with a female cat named Neil that he adopted from his sister Gretchen. When Neil falls ill, a vet suggests that she be put on dialysis. This is an expensive treatment, though, so Sedaris seeks a second opinion. Another vet suggests that Neil be put to sleep. As the vet says this, Sedaris loses himself to the memory of an old Japanese movie that used to play sometimes on television. [...]

[...] Eventually, he takes one of these crates to the local museum and submits it for consideration for one of their upcoming shows. Upon learning that his piece has been accepted, he's quite excited until he realizes that all of his friends were rejected by the museum. Because of this, they speak disparagingly about his art, suggesting that their own proposals were more avant-garde and meaningful than his. At the museum exhibition, none of Sedaris's friends come to see his work. The only people who do come to support him are his drug dealer and his mother. [...]

[...] Eventually, he falls off the poll, and his friend runs away. Calling Sedaris back to the conversation, the vet says, “So the euthanasia,” and Sedaris agrees to put Neil to sleep. At the vet's, Sedaris can't bear to watch Neil die, so he goes to the parking lot while his boyfriend makes the final arrangements. Waiting for his boyfriend, Sedaris weeps by the car, unable to hide because he doesn't have the keys. When his mother dies not long after this event, his father is left on his own with Melina. [...]